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Tuesday August 01st 2006, 11:19 pm
Filed under: All Letters,Hate Letters

Ranee,

It’s 2:00 pm on a Saturday in June. I am downtown right now, of course, thinking about you. The last time we were in this neighborhood together was the day you met Jhonen at the APE convention. That was the first day you came to my work as well. I remember being upset at you because you had changed your attire to a complete black ensemble—which looked lovely, by the way, fitted with high heels and everything. It pissed me off, however, that you weren’t dressed up for me, or for yourself even, but for Jhonen. You dolled yourself up for your “friend.” Why? WHY did you do that? I never asked you about this, but it was something that lingered in my mind throughout the day. What were you trying to prove to this guy anyway? The next day was the day all of this (and by “this” I mean our break up) occurred. After the terrible dinner we both endured, after your look of complete dissatisfaction with me and with your life, you went to see Jhonen at his hotel room at midnight. “Does it bother you?” you asked. I replied “No” as I sat at my desk, pondering your gestures, your need to look pretty for Jhonen, and all the rest of my fears that had built up during the past month of our marriage. But, you know how this story ends, so I’ll try not to recap the plot. I would like to say, however, that you are at fault for this just as much as I am. So how dare you accuse me of not being trustworthy? How dare you blame me for hurting you? How dare you make me feel weak about my emotions post-breakup? Who do you think you are, you little brat? And this is why you “shut off” and “ moved on”. You denied yourself the dialectical understanding of the reality of our relationship. And you are a coward for not grieving. You think you’ve moved on but in actuality you just stepped backwards into your own void (example #1 – Justin [fuck Justin]). Anyways, I have to go now. But thanks for nothing.

–CRD.

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