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Saturday August 12th 2006, 10:45 am
Filed under: All Letters,Love Letters

My Pal,

What can I say about today? I was at a coffee shop, the one I use to tell you about on Mission and 16th Street. I stepped outside for a smoke; as I was standing on the curb, a man walked towards me, quoting Kerouac, Joplin, Hendrix, Shakespeare, Williams and Ginsberg. I was terrified at how internally brilliant he was juxtoposed to how disturbingly insane he looked. He was foaming from the mouth and the smell of alcohol wafted from his breath and into my nostrils. I was perplexed, to say the least. But beyond his filthy smelly outward appearance, besides his intoxicated state, I could see the beauty in this man’s eyes. His words were words of Love meant for destruction. “We’ll destroy them with our love, we’ll beautifully kill them.” Who was he talking about? I realized that this man, Kevin, was speaking about any force that stood in the way of the love he was giving. Kevin had been on a 9 day drinking binge because a girl he loved chose an Ecuadorian man, who had money, over Kevin’s love. “But how can we destroy them?” Kevin asked me diligently. “We’ll love them to death!” he replied while thrusting his kung-fu-fists into the air, almost hitting an innocent passerby. What I found most beautiful about Kevin were three sentences he spoke: 1) “If you’re sad and down, get over it, laugh and make those around you laugh.” 2) “Drop your ego and roll around in the street for 5 minutes; get back up and move on.” 3) “Where is there? There is no there!” I stayed with my drunken companion for a couple of hours. I sang and laughed and pondered my own happiness (and sadness). I’ve been so desperate these past few days that I’ve forgotten how to laugh, and how to make other people laugh as well. I use to be so good at the latter. I emailed you last night telling you I was too sad to talk to you on the phone and to complement you on the “nice pictures” you posted online. I haven’t gotten a response from you, and I don’t expect one. I push you away, and you enjoy being pushed further from me (into someone else’s love). And so goes the nature of us.

Your Pal.

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