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Wednesday August 23rd 2006, 8:06 pm
Filed under: All Letters,Love Letters

To my immediate Curse,

Iím glad youíve stabilized and fortified your life here in San Francisco. Itís nice to know you have a good job with benefits, friends that care about you, friends who will protect you from the people like me and a home that you can go to when you need a break from the outside world. It makes me feel good to know youíre doing well. Even though my life is a shattered chaotic system of unstable tangents, I know that someday I will be in a position similar to yours. My decision to leave San Francisco has lifted my spirits. I have hope again. Although I donít have any job prospects in Los Angeles, I am hopeful that when I get there, I will be able to start rebuilding my shattered life into a new exotic and powerful existence. Iím sorry if I take some credit for your new beginning, but without the end of us, how could you have found such a happy place? Of course I canít take total credit for your happiness, as much as I like being part of the ďdark sideĒ of your life. It is comforting to know that now that I am out of your way, you can immerse yourself in the lighter side of things. But dark and light, dear wife, are mere subjective dichotomies, built on traditional thoughts of good and evil. Happiness is a fluid device, which functions as a crutch for survival, and is never an absolute Truth. Your happiness is a reaction to the sadness I have brought you. Without this sadness, you would have never been happy. I can say this wholeheartedly, because I know how unhappy you were when we were married. You werenít necessarily sad, but you were definitely unhappy. I doubt you will ever give me credit for helping you find happiness by showing you sadness. But, come to think of it, credit is something I can care less about. On the same note, you have given me a chance to revitalize my life. Now, having gone through the destructive process of our break up, I can reassemble the pieces of my shattered life into a new beginning. Like a drawing by Leuvous Woods, or a building by Frank Gehry, I can re-contextualize destruction and chaos into a newly built superstructure. This is not to say that I will ever forget you were a driving force in the shattering of my life. That is where I give you credit. You were my accomplice in destroying this old fundamentally unsound existance. Together we destroyed something amazing, and I love you for that; this is quite possibly the same reason you hate me. But, like I said before, these outdated dichotomies are subjective and arbitrary. The bonds they share synthesize sadness and happiness. The fluid space between good and evil, love and hate, destruction and construction, etc. is the dwelling place of all our thoughts. I do not believe a dialectical understanding of this synthesis will bring us closer to an absolute Truth of being (which is a Hegelian perspective). The space between dichotomies is created by the power struggles of binary opposition (a Nietzschean perspective). And that space requires time and being to propel itself in the instant (Kantian perspective), by giving itself, and uncovering itself (Heidegger), through this secret visible and invisible metamorphosis (Derrida). Okay, so Iím going off on post-modern tangents. My point, is that no matter how much you want to get rid of me in your life, you canít. Iíll be stuck in your memories forever. You can cross me out, but I will persist through the stains of time and being. We are forever linked in this way, divorce or not, with or without verbal communication.

Ė Christopher Robin Donham.

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