Tuesday August 29th 2006, 12:44 pm
Filed under: All Letters,Love Letters

To the voice in my head,

You are still yelling at me in my mind. Whether asleep or not, your voice resonates through me like the sounds of a motorcycle driving by a glass shop. I feel fragile. Itís hard for me to be alone right now but I have no other options. Iím making secure plans for me to move out of San Francisco, but I do so with a heavy heart. I will miss this city. There are a few good people here that Iíve met in the last two months who I will have to soon regretfully say goodbye. Mary, my blue haired post modern buddy, I will miss the most. Sheís a brilliant young woman who I havenít spent hardly enough time with. Iíd like to dance with her one more time before I leave. Sheís shown me compassion on an intellectual level here in the city. I truly will miss her. Maria, my friend from work I will miss as well. Through all these troubling times, Maria has helped me go inside myself and remember to keep an optimistic approach to my psychology. She offered me a place to stay when I needed it, and a friendly outlook on the dark times. She use to live on the streets when she first got to this city, and so she has been able to empathize with my night wanderings. Sheís also offered me food from her own stash when I was broke and starving. Those are what friends do. They help each other in times of need. I told you over the phone that I truly wanted to be your friend after our separation, but you never wanted to accept that responsibility. Friends care about the well being of their friends. You responded to my emotions by rolling your eyes. You said to me ďCanít you understand why I donít want to hear about your sadness?Ē This maybe your true understanding of the nature of our breakup Ė yes, you are the reason why I am sad. I am sad because I love you and can not share with you any of that love. Iím sad because you could care less that Iím sad. Iím sad because I saw something beautiful die, right before my eyes. I couldnít be friendly to you when I was overwhelmed with sadness. But, you took this as a cold shoulder, as the fact that I didnít want to be friends at all. Well, I wanted your friendship more than you could have imagined. But, all this is lost now, we share nothing, not even sadness. You amaze me; you are absolutely amazing. But my sadness will eventually dissipate and I will have my life back on track again. There are tuff times ahead of me, but I will survive. I never believed I was meant to survive, and maybe Iím not, but I will continue to work though this sadness to ensure my survival. These are epiphanies for me, considering the mind-state I was in last week. I can almost claim to have reached some sort of enlightenment. Anyway, I miss you.

–the other voice in my head.

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