Sunday March 25th 2007, 6:20 pm
Filed under: All Letters,Love Letters

To a reconnection,

And so my love, I did work up the nerve to call you regarding the security deposit. After the explanation I gave you, which was a flat out lie, you weren’t upset with me anymore. I immediately told you to keep the money. I said I didn’t have any use for it and that you should treat yourself to a trip to Hawaii. A little confused and a bit skeptical, you refused my offer, suggesting that I needed the money to repay my brother, to which I owed fifteen hundred dollars. I told you that I would get the money some other way and that if you weren’t going to spend the superfluous cash, then to at least place the money in between your sheets so that you could wake up with hundred dollar bills in your underwear. We further spoke of our cat and how lovely it would be to spend all the money on the feline princess; a nice shopping spree for kitty. I couldn’t speak long since I was cooking a fish dinner and my friend Tyson was helping me learn the intricacies of cooking it. Therefore, I had to get off the phone. However, the conversation shifted my perspective on our interactions, as I had a lovely feeling of a quasi-friendship with you. Later that night, the house I am living in hosted a drawing party, where fifty or so artists gathered to collaborate on creating a work that will be showed at the Hanger gallery later on in the month. Along with art came alcoholic states of debauchery. Everyone was drunk by the end of the night, conversing about Art, social politics and best of all, relationships. But no matter how terrible a story I heard from those inexperienced artists (in the ways of love, marriage and break up), I couldn’t help but to feel a sense of elitism because of our experience in San Francisco. The only other person who had a similar hardship, and the person I felt closest to, was Devin. His fiancé cheated on him one month before the wedding, which of course led to their not being a wedding at all. He and I quietly bad-mouthed relationships to one another, while at the same time discussing how important it is to find new loves. My ex-girlfriend Lola happened to be at the drawing party, and so I felt the need to reminisce with her about our failed love. She was, without a doubt, the most physically intense, unhealthy, and down right violent girl I have ever been involved with. She used to let me cut her while fucking her. I choked her in the shower until she almost passed out. She would slice her initials in my skin for fun – all out of love? Well, love is what we called it; however, I doubt many other lovers would share the same definition of love that Lola and I shared. By the end of our memories, we had rekindled a physical fondness for one another, which led to me kissing her. Even though her lips were plush and soft, the kiss felt platonic and meaningless. She’s a wonderful woman, maybe the most insane “normal? person I know, however she’s not my lover anymore; you are my lover… you were my lover. But I’m still waiting for the time I can state otherwise, or at least deny my love for you. After coming to this conclusion, I text messaged you “Hello Lovely,? but I got no reply.

— Typical stupid drunk me.

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