Saturday December 08th 2007, 8:28 pm
Filed under: All Letters,Love Letters

To the anniversary,

Can you believe it love? One year ago we began “chatting” online… ha! I sound like such a dork when I use the words “chat” and “online” together in the same sentence. Anyway, today is our one-year anniversary of when we began talking to one another. It’s amazing to me, how much can happen in a year. To think, you and I started this chat over the internet, which grew into phone conversation, which lead me to visit you in San Jose (twice); then you moved into my place in Los Angeles where you lived for four months. We moved to San Francisco, got married, found an Apartment and got a beautiful kitten. We both found jobs, you at the vet clinic, me at the University and had amazing passionate sex; but then you started hating your comfort, I fucked up with a drunken letter expressing my inner fears, we broke up, I moved to Mike’s parents’ house and you fucked Justin. I moved back to Los Angeles to a random house, got an Art Studio, moved to the place I am staying now (with friends and other like-minded artists) and finally, here I am today, one year later, writing to you in shock from how fucked up this year has been. There will be many “1 year” anniversaries for us this year, each with its own degree of emotional memories attached to the day. However, I know that I will be the only one celebrating these anniversaries because you could care less how brilliant this past year had been for us. You were living in a fucking trailer park when I met you, bored out of you mind, hoping for something new and exciting to come your way. Well, I hope I didn’t disappoint. I hope you found what you were looking for. I thought I had found what I was searching for when I found you, hence the marriage, but I turns out that there is a temporal nature to that which one wants in the moment. What we want in the now will change, always. I curse myself for not understanding this before we were together. There are so many people who could tell me “I told you so”– but I’d have to punch them in the neck if they did. I know they were right when they warned me about the temporality of lust versus the permanence of love. Maybe that’s why I am having such a hard time with our breakup. I loved you. It wasn’t just lust, like the other’s might suggest. You were the angel in my life; where as now, you are the thorn in my side. If last year was the year of rising up to the challenges of love, then this year will be the year of coming down from the high of our incline. I constantly feel like I’m falling, as if the ground is giving away, and all that is left under me is a black empty abyss. Happy anniversary.


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